Remember when you came up with this great plan to cut yourself just to feel _something_? Only, after you finally got the rasor out of your mom’s leg shaver you chickened out and so instead you went into the little secret hiding place you made in the back of your closet and cried yourself asleep?
Ok. That never happened.
But remember how you figured all that out. That you would like that to happen? Remember?
Remember how you said when you broke up with her, you would feel like a building was faling down around you? And when she broke up with you, you didn’t feel anything? Remember that?
Remember how you cried and cried, but you didn’t really want to cry, you just thought you were _supposed_ to be crying so you did? Remember how you really just wanted to stay in your room for the rest of the month, not crying? Remember how you used to hide in the garden shed for days at a time so your parents wouldn’t know you weren’t going to school, but you didn’t want to go anywhere where you might have to see someone, so you sat in the garden shed for weeks and weeks reading through four years of playboys from the mid 1980’s? Rememer how you couldn’t find the June 1986 edition, and it kind of pissed you off becuase that had the conclusion of a long running short-fiction story you’d really enjoyed reading.
Remember how you started smoking then, and you couldn’t believe how much you liked the way the cigarettes tasted, but not the way they smelled.