You’d think it would be more fun, this. But it’s not. It’s not fun to give it all up. TO walk away. How man stories end that way. The grass isn’t always greener and all that. So frustrating.
This isn’t happening tonight. It’s just not. I’m a festering ball of doubt, self-loathing and morose. I’m petered out. I’m a stubb. A candle burned down to a waxy grime. I have guilt. Oh yes. I have it. Guilt.
THis daily thing is hard. You’ve got to keep it up. But why? Why daily? What is so important. YOu can’t only do it when you feel good. YOu have to be able to do it all the time, no matter what. I have a better idea. Be relaxed.
You can’t be relaxed all the time.
Black Plastic. A solid thick casing. With a nice pattern— textture even on the top part, the pushing part. it’s a grip-making texture. So your hands don’t slip off. Ca-chunk. That’s the sound it makes. They don’t make them like they used to. They used to be all steal and solid. Now they’re plasti c and cheap. They have little rubber feet.
I’m out of time.
I came back. I wanted to tell you about this concept: I’m having a bad night. Numerically. Fighting with numbers. Struggling with numerics. The numbers do not fall in my favor tonight. When that happens, numerics fail. And you’re best bet is to sit under an umbrella making beersmores until it blows over.
